Hosni Mubarak Claims 'President Obama Fears Twitter And Facebook' And Betrayed Him
Mubarak: "Rais Obama asked 'Hosni what can we do to help peacful transition?' I said 'Arrest Twitter and Facebook' Rais Obama did not reply for several minutes then the line went dead.....Ben Ali can you believe this? Who is this Twitter and Facebook that even powerful Raise Barack Obama fears them!? "
[A Special Short Story]
Ex- Tunisian president Zine El Abidine Ben Ali was granted a Mediterranean Island today. In return, he has agreed to surrender information about billions of dollars in wealth he stole that had not yet been located by Swiss and Tunisian authorities. The Island is guarded by security.
Today, Ben Ali welcomed Hosni Mubarak as a long-term guest: "Hosni, welcome to EXILE CLUB, the masses got you also?"
Hosni Mubarak said: "The masses are asses I tell you; they don't know greatness even if they see him on National Television and on the front pages of Al Ahram every morning. How could they throw out the great Muhammad Sayed Hosni Mubarak. They have profaned Tahrir square. That sacred square was meant for the Freedom that I helped bring to Egypt, not for these children to bring shame to Egypt."
Ben Ali: "I tell you this world is upside down when children take over and throw out great leaders. Can children run the world? They run around punching little words on something they call Blackberry. I remember when only people in Intelligence Service and security could communicate like that..."
Mubarak: "These children! They say I did not create jobs for them; that I did not build roads and hospitals and schools. Can't they see I was focusing on stability!? Without stability you have nothing. Look at Lebanon. Their soiled bottoms were still being cleaned by the time I had already earned 100 medals for glorious victories on their behalf....Ben Ali did I tell you how I earned the first medal...It was like this..."
Ben Ali: "Excuse me Hosni. I have to take this call...Hello, welcome to EXILE CLUB....Hmm someone calling from Uganda. He is whispering.....He is asking if there is room for another president who may need a short term vacation....maybe around March...I'm going to start charging serious rent here...By the way Hosni how much do you have in your suitcases...?"
Mubarak: "They only let me bring one piece of luggage..."
Ben Ali: "Well, I told Kampala I will take him if need be in March, for 10% royalty from his 'special income' ....Kampala tried to bargain to 6% I told him I would double it to 20%....haha, he agreed to 10...I asked Kampala for the money to be wired now in case those Swiss fools do to him what they did to us brother Hosni..."
Hosni Mubarak: "I tell you Ben Ali Egyptians do not know greatness! I fought for their liberation against the tyrant King didn't I? I fought for them in the wars with Israel didn't I? If it was not for me Egyptians would be living in camps like the Palestinians. How could they not see greatness? I was sitting right next to Anwar Sadat when he was murdered. Did you see that I was killed? Eh? Ben Ali. The bullets went right through me! Does that not mean I was destined to lead Great Egypt forever. That is certainly what I saw it to mean. The masses could not see this!?"
Ben Ali: "Hmmm, funny thing. That's what the man from Kampala was telling me on the phone too. That he thinks the masses in Uganda have been smoking ganja and may vote for this crazy doctor with big eyes even though he was the one who fought for them! He said he was the only revolutionary in Kampala and the only man with a vision. He said he fired the first bullet and that no Ugandan has killed more enemies than he has. Not even the fellow called Joseph Kony who leads the Lords Resistance Army. In fact there was a bit of resentment in his voice that the International Criminal Court indicted Kony and did not even see fit to touch him..."
Mubarak: "Ben Ali what are you talking about!? What is this Kony! I am talking about Egypt! I am talking about Geza! I am talking about the pyramids! I am talking about the Nile! I am talking about Hosni Mubarak. I tell you the masses are asses! They forced me, Muhammad Sayed Hosni Mubarak out of office! Can you believe it!? I am the Pharaoh!"
Ben Ali: "What happened brother Hosni? My security forces betrayed me. I told them to fire at those rifraff on the streets and they refused!! What is the use of an Army if they won't fire shots? Instead they drove me to the airport. What is this world coming to?"
Mubarak: "I tell you! What about my Intelligence services!? $1.5 billion dollars every year from the Americans and my security people could not even find two men who started this TREASON....Two mere foreigners! Mr. Twitter and another fellow called Mr. Facebook. Every morning after breakfast and my morning prayers, I asked Vice President Omar Suleiman 'Abu Omar have you found Twitter? Where is Facebook?' Instead Omar would give me this stupid blank look as if I was asking a foolish question!! I began to think Twitter and Facebook had bribed Omar. I said 'Abu Omar what did they give you? Why are you betraying Egypt? Why are you not issuing a warrant for Arrest of Twitter and Facebook?' The next day the brought me photographs of Twitter and Facebook. Two young men. Yet they said they could not be found! Oh, if I could get my hands on these fellows, Twitter and FaceBook!! Oh mighty Egypt! Oh great Egypt, land of the Pharaohs, how could you betray me at the instigation of two Americans, Twitter and Facebook!!! Who trained them? Which military school and intelligence service trained them?"
Ben Ali: "Hmm..."
Mubarak: "You don't know who trained them Ben Ali? No one could find them. They may have already left Egypt to go to other countries to create treason and rebellion. When Rais Barack Hussein Obama himself called me the other day and asked 'Hosni what can we do to help peacful transition?' I said 'tell the CIA to help me get Twitter and Facebook' Rais Obama did not reply for several minutes then the line went dead.....Ben Ali can you believe this? Who is this Twitter and Facebook that even powerful Raise Barack Obama fears them!? "
[This Work of Half Fiction....To Be Continued]
"Speaking Truth To Empower."
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