Ladies, Create Your Nag-Free Zone (NFZ)

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There is nothing more unattractive than a man who does not know how to put his woman first. Most of all there is nothing more unattractive than a married man who thinks he is still

[I Will Not Cook]

You're home again, alone. Why? He'd rather spend every waking hour with his friends.

On the front burner this week is the unavailable Husband. He spends no time with you and gives you little or no attention. In fact, he still thinks he is a single guy so much so it makes you wonder why in the world he even married you in the first place. This can also apply to the unavailable boyfriend, but not so much so, because ladies, if your boyfriend is not giving you what you need, do not be afraid to demand it or simply find someone else that will. 

Disclaimer, all the men that are unavailable because they are working so hard to hold their families down, I hail thee. But a little balance never hurt anyone; a loving wife would still prefer your presence more than your money.

This topic is motivated by I WILL NOT COOK group member, Glamoria Powell, she says:
“Two nights ago, I was having drinks with my girlfriend when she started to complain about her husbands 'friends' He is an outgoing person with a lot of female and male friends. When it comes to his male friends, he still likes boys night out "in da club' and she is not invited. When it comes to female friends (married and unmarried), he has lots of them from way back that are just 'friends". She is not an outgoing person and post marriage thought that these friends who disappear to a rarity and he would spend more time with her. He feels she is controlling because she is not comfortable with all the friends and doesn't want the female friends to maintain the same level of friendship as pre-marriage and thinks 'da club' scene only has one goal. He thinks he married her for love but didn't think he would have to spend every off-work hour with her. I would love both the male and female perspective on this question.”

Why did you marry this guy?  Was he going to be your little project?  Did think that you could remold him? Or you thought you could change him? Hmmm?

People, people, people!!!  Why do we think that once we get married, the person is going to automatically change into the person we really want them to be? I mean really, stop already. Have you ever gone to the car dealership, bought a Honda and believed God and prayed that once you drive it into your drive way it would change into a Bentley?  

Okay so maybe it did not change at once, but you are convinced that after you drive it and fast and pray for a week or so, it would certainly change into the Bentley.  When it does not change, you call all your friends and lament, “I bought a Honda, I thought it will change into a Bentley and it is still a Honda.” 
News Flash—For the most part, what you get is what you get!  

Yes, even in relationships. Thus, marry someone expecting that if the person never changes you would be happy with them.  Marry someone accepting them for who they are.  If person does change, that’s just icing on the cake for you. 

To the Wifey:
You are a quiet, non-outgoing person, seems like you do not have a lot of friends or much of a life for that matter. How can I tell? Because you are sitting home complaining that he is out doing him. 

Sister girl, are you just plain old boring? Are you a nag? Are you a leech? Are you a Debbie the downer? Are you too needy? Suffocating? Where the hec are all your own friends?  Did you get rid of them once you got married and think he would do the same thing? Do you have a life? Do you have your own passions? Things that you love to do that do not include him?  What in the world were you doing with your life and your time before you got married?

I am not saying that you should go out and do dirt. But you need your own passion. You need to occupy yourself with things that make you happy. 

Now maybe I am being harsh and too hard. Perhaps you are just a woman that likes to stay home; short and simple. So then I ask you, when you married your vibrant socialite of a husband how did you foresee things working out?  Did you think that once you took home your Honda it would be a Bentley?  How surprised are you right now? Help me understand.

Secondly, why in the world would a woman want to go to “boy’s night out”. Of course you are not invited. The operative word here; “boys'.”  Imagine if he wanted to come to a girl’s night out?  Because you are married does not mean that you are attached to the hip.

The more that you tell him to stop, the more he will continue. The more he feels like you are trying to control him, the more he will show you he is uncontrollable. State your concerns to him and let him be. Then do you. Take a trip, go to the spa, join the gym, or a book club. Be fabulous. Never leave the house unless you are dressed to the nines.  That’s right; make him wonder what you are up to. And most of all, create an environment that he wants to be in—lets call it the nag free zone. You change first, and then he will change.

To the Immature Hubby:
Really, I get the whole thing that you want to hang with your boys and all.  But a married man in the club scene on a consistent basis is whack, it is lame, and it screams…Loser!!! If you are over 28 and married, your favorite pass time with your boys should not be the club.  By now, I am thinking that you should have been there and done that.  Are you trying hard to hang on to your youth? I mean really what are you doing there? Popping Champaign? Seeing if you still got game? Throwing away money that could be better invested into your family?

I have some suggestions for a boy’s night out, how about the men’s fellowship group at your local church, or how about you start an investment group with your friends, where you plan your financial future, how about a night to dinner, how about a sport of some sort, how about just relaxing at the homes of one of your boys? There are a ton of other fulfilling things that you can do.

There is a reason that you married a woman that is chill and a homebody. So you want to be out bouncing around, talking to Jack, Jill, Harry and Lucy, in the mean time you have a woman on lockdown. You can’t take pause and get to know her and invest time with her.

Perhaps you have a warped sense of what marriage is all about. You cannot be married and expect to not make any modifications in your life style. You talk to all your female “friends” and then when it is time to talk to your wife, you are all tapped out and you have nothing to say to her. What in the world?

There is nothing more unattractive than a man who has no idea how to treat his woman and take care of her needs. There is nothing more unattractive than a man who does not know how to put his woman first. Most of all there is nothing more unattractive than a married man who thinks he is still single. The sexiest men are the ones that will check their female or male friends with the quickness and set boundaries when it comes to their relationships. These men are the envy of all women. Talk about power and sex appeal.

My man, you do not have to change, but you should learn to compromise, especially if you say that you married for love.  I am not saying spend every waking hour, but you should certainly set aside “We Time”. Love is not selfish and right now you are being really selfish. Take a couple of months and fallback from the “boys” and all the other foolishness.  Work on your marriage or you may just find yourself single. 

Keeping Your Relationship “On The Front Burner.”


Ladies, men, hit me up at chichinwoko@gmail.com with comments or pleasurable or woeful tales
 
Visit
http://www.iwillnotcook.blogspot.com/

 

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