"Man"agement Wanted; Boys Need Not Apply
Could it be that the reason why the woman in your life does not submit to you is because she does not respect you or trust you? The answer 95% of the time is a loud resounding yes!
[I Will Not Cook]
I am in total shock at the amount of emails that I received from readers of “The Black Star News” regarding my last article, “If You Can’t Submit, Then Don’t Commit.”
I was really moved by a lot of your comments so I am skipping part 2, which is THE POWER OF SUBMISSION and talking about “Man”agement first. The one thing feeling that resonated throughout all the letters that I received was the fact that all the women stated that they would be more than willing to commit to the right “man”agement.
To quote one reader, “…I truly long for a good relationship. I’d love to meet the man that I can submit to. But he has to be smarter than me, right? I was married once and tried to submit. My former husband really believed in this – to a fault… there was tyranny in my home. I would love to follow, but if you’re going to lead me over a cliff, I am not a lemming; I will not follow you over the cliff!”
“Man”agement, “man”agement, “man”agement. This article is mostly dedicated to men. I have a question. Could it be that the reason why the woman in your life does not submit to you is because she does not respect you or trust you? The answer 95% of the time is a loud resounding yes!
Being a man and the head of the household is no small feat. Most men I encounter do not really realize the magnitude of this responsibility. Possessing the “right” anatomy, talking with some base in your voice and coming home after a long day at work and settling into your favorite couch to watch the news or sports does not exactly qualify one to be the head of the house.
Some men marry women and view them simply as their cook, cleaner, human incubator for the purpose of breeding their offspring. Some men see the woman in their life as a foot mat or door mat; she ought not to question him or challenge him. In most instances, such men view the woman in their lives as just “another woman” one of many that is replaceable.
It is so funny that a man can run down the laundry list of everything that a woman is supposed to be and everything that she is supposed to do, yet most fail to know what their own responsibilities are.
The same man that will cheat on his wife, not provide for her, beat her, be uninvolved in the lives of their children, is the same man that will be quick to spew out bible verses to his advantage. Yes we know that a woman should submit to a man and that you are the head of the household; but are you playing your position? Do you even know your position?
Woman if you want to know the true value of a man, look not at the content of his wallet, but the content of his character. There are a lot of great men out there, no doubt, so this is not a male bashing session. I acknowledge all the men that are doing wonderful things and encourage them to keep doing what they are doing.
The question here is what makes good “Man”agement. No man is perfect; no woman is perfect. However, before you make a long term commitment, partnership, investment in a man, there are some key things that you should look for. To the men reading this article ask yourself if you posses these qualities. There are FIVE main characteristics that a good man must possess. These characteristics make it easy for a woman to submit to.
1) A MAN OF HIS WORD: How many people know that guy that always has a story why he could not come through for you? He said he was on his way to pick you up and never showed. Instead, you hear from him two days later and he has a long pathetic story. You know the guy that just talks and talks and you know that he is talking rubbish because he never delivers. If he tells you it is blue, you know that it is really green. You absolutely do not trust a word that comes out of his mouth; but you marry him anyway knowing fully well that he is a liar. This management is not for hire under any circumstances. The man you want is the man that when he speaks you know that whether or not you like what he has to say, his word is his word. You never have to second guess him or call all your friends to help you disseminate what he said. You are secure in what he tells you because if he says it he does it.
2) A MAN THAT PUTS HIS WOMAN FIRST: Imagine if a mother had a plate of food and she ate first and then gave whatever was leftover to her children. Most men look out for themselves first and then when they are okay, they attend to the needs of their wives. This could be evident in how he chooses to spend his time, money or resources. This is the guy that you marry and knowing that he is extremely selfish, you keep a separate bank account for yourself because you know that if you do not look out for yourself he certainly will not look out for you. This management is not for hire under any circumstances. The man you want is the man who makes sure that you are full before he eats.
3) A MAN THAT PLANS, AND PUTS HIS WOMAN IN HIS PLANS: You have dated or married that man that has you on the sidelines. For as long as you can remember, you have been on the bench. As he bulldozes his way through life, your role in his life seems insignificant. He plans and makes decisions and you really do not seem to fit in. He never seeks your opinion or sees it fit to incorporate in the planning process before he makes major decisions. Worst yet, the woman is the driving force in the relationship if you do not make a move he is not motivated to do anything. This management is not for hire under any circumstances. The man you want is the man that sees you as a part of him. He does not feel comfortable making any decisions unless he seeks your council. Even if he does what he was going to do anyway, he values your input and realized that what you have to say is important.
4) A MAN THAT IS ACCOUNTABLE TO GOD: I am not a ranting religious fanatic but there is nothing better than a man who is accountable to God. I personally would not trade this for anything. I am not saying he should be a pastor or go to church every week--because these men are sometimes the worst offenders, trust me I can tell you stories. If God is his center, you know that even if he strays he is more apt to seek forgiveness and seek God’s guidance. One can know a man is accountable by how he acts towards you and others. Don’t be fooled by wolves in sheep’s clothing.
5) A MAN THAT WATCHES THE COMPANY HE KEEPS: Show me his friends and I will tell you his management style. Good management hangs out with other good management. A family guy is not going to be chilling with a club banger and a woman chaser because their priorities are different. And even if he has a few friends that are eye sores, he is not afraid to stand his ground even when his friends laugh at him for going against the grain. He knows his limits and is unapologetic for his values. Stay away from that guy who always seems to be pressured by his friends. You know that guy who is great when both of you are alone, but whose countenance towards you changes when he is with his “boys.”
There you have it. Hire him wisely and don’t be afraid to fire him.
Keeping Your Relationship “On The Front Burner.” Always, In The KiTchen with Chichi Nwoko
I WIIL NOT COOK!
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"Speaking Truth To Empower."
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