Men And Women, KISS More!

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My mother laughs at the whole concept of dating and our youthful thinking that it will help us know the person better so we will make better choices.

[I Will Not Cook]

Ladies and Gentlemen, it's all about the KISS.  

No.Not that kind. It is about “Keep It Simple Stupid.”  Yes, this theory is applicable in relationships as well.   

I have a co-worker who has a motto that “We all suck.” No offense, but we all: do stupid things; we do dumb things; and we make silly choices and mistakes.  

This is to be expected—we are human. So why do we expect so much from our partners and each other? We are often actually shocked and surprised when someone does something that hurts us.  

A major problem that happens when we fail to KISS, is that we have expectations that out of this world. We make lists upon lists upon list, “He/she has to be this, that, here, there, and the other and the third.”  While lists are not an entirely bad approach, they are a set up for too high expectation, failure and disappointment.  

The fact of the matter is that both people have to “WANT IT”—not a need but a wanting; a longing. So how about you keep your list simple and be introspective—“I WANT IT.” And that want should be accepting of the good, the bad and the ugly. 

I will take it a step further and say that they should just WANT to be there for each other. Identify someone that you would want to share your good times and bad times, your joys and failures. Someone that you would want to cheer on as they navigate through this race called life. You pick them up when they are down, and push them along till they get to the finish line—death.  Sometimes, we (I am in the front of this line) look for butterflies, tingling, that feeling.  

These are always there in the beginning, but what happens after the butterflies fly away, the tingling burns and the feeling hurts. Do you still want it?

In the olden days (lol), my parents and grandparents generation, partnerships were arranged. And by golly, I think we should go back to that simplistic way of life. For all my detractors, please remember that divorce rates these days are through the roof, we are not doing such a great job picking people by ourselves—you think you married a sheep and then you come to find out that it is a monkey. 

Anyway, I will use my parents as a case in point. Over 30 years ago, my Dad reached the age that he was ready to settle down. He reached out to his female cousin and asked for her recommendation.  

She recommended my mother, and tah dah--case closed, they did not date they just got married. Okay, so maybe it was not that easy, but you get my drift. 

They did the traditional background checks and the families of both parties where very involved and brought to light the issues that really matter.

My mother laughs at the whole concept of dating and our youthful thinking that it will help us know the person better so we will make better choices. 

HA! Now that’s funny.

Only age a wisdom can foresee the things that you will never see even if you are with someone for years—For instance, my mother can meet a guy that I am dating once and give me a pretty accurate run down on his character. It is pretty creepy. 

Well going back to my point of my parents, they just wanted it. With each year of marriage, they worked out there issues and kept pressing forward. They fought, argued, did not talk to each other sometimes, threatened to leave—believe it or not these are normal occurrences in any relationship. I believe that there relationship worked and works because they KISS.

Thirty plus years later, they are like two peas in a pod. I am not sure sometimes if they are husband and wife or brother and sister. When they are together, they say they need a vacation from each other, but the minute you separate them, all they talk is getting back to each other, or wanting to check how the other person is doing.  

My mother is a traditional African woman. Whenever I ask, “Mommy do you love Daddy?”  Her reply is simple, “I WANT to be here.”

So just make sure that you KISS with your partner; makes life easier.


The columnist can be reached at
chichinwoko@gmail.com

Please also visit www.iwillnotcook.blogspot.com

Please post your comments directly online or send them to
Milton@blackstarnews.com 

“Speaking Truth To Empower.”

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