Creating Healthy Relationships: What to Do When a Friend Is "Over You"

Over the years, the most important thing I've come to know about friendship is this:

friendships ebb and flow.

 

Don't be discouraged.

 

Recently I was talking to this guy who I met online. He's about 60 years old. He's poly (meaning polyamorous, meaning he has many loves - I hope to continue exploring this later). He's generally a cool guy so far. Physically, I wouldn't say he does it for me,  but his conversation is interesting as hell and we're just friends.

 

We talked about this very idea of people entering and exiting one's life.

 

He said, "Anyone who's ever been in my life, even if it's a woman who has broken up with  me or someone who he never thought I would see again, they come back around."

 

You may be going through something like this. A friend of yours might be over it: not returning phone calls, not even liking your very positive hilarious posts on Facebook. (How dare they?) But, if the connection is real and strong and meant to last then it will come back around in some form, even if it's not the way you had envisioned.

 

I used to chase people and I learned not to do that. It doesn't mean I don't still send a random text to people I was once very emotionally tethered to, but I have had to learn to manage my expectations. The moment when it's JUST BEGINNING TO WANE is the hardest. It's like a breakup but with friends, no one ever tells you. They just slowly fade away until they disappear. And even more devastating is when the break is abrupt - cold turkey.

 

It probably takes an even stronger, braver person as a friend to TELL YOU WHY. Most won't. So be patient and breathe through the pain. Try to open up communication if you can, but if the person is just non-responsive...know that it's about THEM. Even if it IS about you...it's about THEM feeling some type of way about you. Still about them.

 

You're living your life...Doing the best you can, right? So are they...But this is the hardest pill to swallow: that someone you adore can be "over you."

 

Also, when the people come back around it may not be the way it once was, some people won't allow themselves to go back down that road with the same person again after being hurt once...and that is exactly what has happened with me and old friends. Now, we speak on Facebook at the most...maybe the phone. But I know I can't get as deep as I once did. There's just this unspoken barrier within myself that even now I feel comfy enough expressing if I had to. And the reason is because I've had years to process the trauma of the loss of a friend who is very much alive. This process can take YEARS. But you move on.

 

I know it's all love between me and those people (I assume and that's good enough for me). But in terms of where we ONCE were...nope. I'm not going back.

 

This article was originally published on www.helesetalks.com.