Black Love 911

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The other day I listened to a sisterfriend rant and rave about how there are no good Black men out there. In her opinion, they are all dogs and not to be trusted. She uses this belief to justify her attitude and non-responsiveness to men in general, and Black men in particular. She puts Black men in one group—the "don’t know how to do right" group. Although, the words she bellowed have become an all too familiar mantra, echoed by millions of women all over the globe, I never once heard her propose a solution to mending and healing the wounds. What I did hear was the anger and pain in her voice, which were camouflaged and doused in expletives. It got me thinking about love, but more importantly, Black love. Where has Black love gone?

I mean this has become a real issue in our community. We see the discord all of the time. It is no secret that relationships between brothers and sisters have deteriorated over the years. We're no longer experiencing the love fest so evident in song and deed throughout the '60s and '70s. The brothers don't seem to show the same respect they once did for sisters. The tenderness is gone.

On the other hand, the Black woman is very different too. She has claimed her independence and feels uninhibited in almost every aspect of her life. The freedom our fore-mothers yearned to have has so wonderfully been acquired by sisters today. However, in this age of music videos and bling-bling, you sometimes see this "freedom" on display in unattractive and demeaning ways. It has become almost a tug-of-war between the sexes.

I want to know what happened to the deep, down-to-the core love that sustained our grandparents through thick and thin. I want to know if the Black woman has gained so much ground economically that she feels superior to the Black man, hence, alienating him.

Black love is in a state of emergency, to say the least. Love has always been the root of our existence and heavily embedded in our daily ritual. Sisters, have you made love a priority in your lives, or have you been too busy climbing that corporate ladder, trying to make it to the top?

Brothers, what happened to the unwavering love and admiration you once had for us?

Although, I am not minimizing success and its importance, I am charging each and every one of you with the task of connecting, or reconnecting, as it were, yourself to love. The evidence of anger that was present in my friend's voice is proof positive that Black women and Black men need to get back to loving one another. Communication is the key, and the dialogue must begin, sooner, rather than later. Let's stop masking love, and our desire to have it, by attempting to replace it with objects, trinkets or one-night stands.

Webster’s defines love this way: "The deep tenderness, affection and concern felt to a person with whom one has or wishes to have a relationship with." Who or what are you loving right now?
Note to self: Become that which you wish to attract.

©2005 LaVerne N. Curtis. Ms. Curtis is a Senior Editor and Freelance Columnist, with nationally published works to include “Love…According to L,� a monthly AOL Black Voices column; and “L’s Motivational Minute,� a monthly motivational women’s column for Soul Sistas She has also interviewed celebrity personalities and written for Upscale You can e-mail her at: with your comments.

To subscribe to or advertise in New York’s leading Pan African weekly investigative newspaper please call (212) 481-7745 or send a note to


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