Don't Mistake Chemistry For Love

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[Secrets Of The Heart]

Why do women catfight over men? 

Why do we “whilst doing laundry” and having turned the pants pockets inside out and found a number without a name, instinctively called it and confronted the outside woman instead of confronting "our man"?

Have we not yet realized that the man is the common enemy in such cases? The woman at the end of the line probably doesn’t even know you exist.

Usually when a long term partner or wife calls the outside woman it is not with the intention of having a catfight. It is because she feels threatened and wants to warn the outside woman off; like in an old song by Betty Wright, “woman to woman”, where she sings, "the man you are in love with is my man. From the top of his head to the bottom of his feet and woman to woman I think you understand just how much I would do to keep him."

Women will fight because they are fearful of losing the man they love. Women will fight because they are trying to desperately hold on to the dream that is slipping away.  When you enter into a relationship you assume it is forever unless explicitly agreed otherwise, therefore a woman will not simply stand by and let another walk away with their treasure, it’s kind of like the alpha male protecting his territory.

The most logical and harder option would be to confront the man in your life for an explanation and listen because it takes two to make a relationship work. If the explanation does not make sense, neither will a catfight; only walking away will make sense, even if it is unimaginable. This however is easier said than done because a woman in love would have built her life around her man and love does not die simply because you have been wronged.

So a woman will use any weapon at her disposal. She will lie, smear and harass; but is it all worth it? It is not, because the common enemy will simply sit back and enjoy the ruckus, perhaps because some men secretly enjoy women catfighting for them. It gives them a sense of pride and being valued, like "yeah, I am the man!!!"

It is reported that catfighting is on the rise in several fields of entertainment. The appeal of a catfight was facetiously explained by Jerry Seinfeld, as "Men think if women grabbing and clawing at each other, there's a chance they might somehow, you know--kiss."

If it makes sense to walk away, then take comfort in knowing that, if Dr. Satoshi Kanazawa’s report is to be believed, then you are walking away from a man of low IQ. Dr. Kanazawa, a psychologist at London School of Economics and Political Science states that cheating on a partner is a sign of lower intelligence. He added that more intelligent men are more likely to value sexual exclusivity as reported in a London paper, Metro.

There is no dignity in a catfight. It is a losing battle. It is a pointless exercise like the war in Vietnam; it killed, maimed and achieved absolutely nothing.  A catfight is petty, nasty and senseless; but all too often we have fallen victim to its appeal in favor of a heart to heart at home.

Women in long term relationships tend to get comfortable. It's all about routine, responsibilities and no variation and therefore nothing left to unravel; whereas the outside woman offers newness of feelings, intense chemistry and connectedness and a kind of mystery--like chill in June and heat in December.

Women in long term relationships should learn to keep love alive. Love once planted like a seed should be watered and nurtured for a healthy and strong growth. 

Create a nag free zone; an interesting and welcoming environment that your man will want to come to. It may seem like I live in the dark ages but this is reality. Learn to be a chef, lover and lady, because goddamn believe that is what the outside woman will be doing.

Communicate, praise and appreciate your man. Don’t quit the gym either.

The more you try to get rid of the outside woman, the deeper she will try to plant her foot. She is after all a competitor, fighting for her own survival.

She has in most cases deluded herself that rather than dipping her feet into your shoes, she has actually filled them, all of size 7. What she fails to understand is that chemistry is not love. Love is a song you sing over and over and over, long after the chemistry is dead and gone.


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