Is He A Friend? Or More Than A Friend?

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For men, there is nothing

such as a female friend

Brother, take notice
or take off

By Hansen Sinclair

By Nyakeena Dobson

Never in the history of men has there been a straight guy to look at a female and think, "I would really love to be her friend."


Stuff like that just doesn't happen. Women try to trick themselves into thinking that their guy friends honestly and truly wanted to be just friends since the moment they met, but it isn't so. No guy wants to be your friend, he just settles for it.

I'm not saying all guys want to necessarily get in your pants, but they may want something more at first. Most of the times it's simple infatuation, a tiny attraction that dissipates with time. Which is understandable, there had to have been something there to draw you to the person. Other times, you come to find out that the person you met is drastically different from the person she is. So, instead of getting rid of her, you decide to keep her, but in a friendship role.

Then, of course, you have the one girl who everyone just wants a piece from, including yourself. Your main objective: seek and destroy. You play the friend game in hopes of gaining her confidentiality and ultimately, her. But you don't want a relationship; you just want to hit it, quit it and split. You see, women can have guy friends without wanting anything more, because they don't need to chase men. Men will automatically do the chasing, no matter how broken up the female looks. And of course, there are telltale signs to figure out whether a guy sees you as a buddy or just booty.

If you and your guy discuss matters and agree to disagree and is not afraid to speak his mind, he sees you as a buddy. However, if he flip-flops to match whatever you say because he wants to give the facade you have so much in common, they you're just booty.

If your guy is open with you about his relationships or interests in other women, you are a buddy. If he claims to be single with no interest in any other female whatsoever, no matter how may women blow up his sidekick, you're booty – He does this because he wants you to know he is available at a moment's notice to get it on.

If you're Christian and your guy friend respects that, despite his lack of faith, you're a buddy. But if you're guy goes from chronic to Calvary the instant you tell him you're Christian, he is doing it for show and is looking to jump your bones.

If you have kids, and your guy friend knows their names and birthdays, you could be a buddy –and should seriously consider him for more. But if your guy is allergic to your little rugrats and refuses to step foot in your house, but still wants you to come out and play, you're booty.

And finally, if you do happen to hook up with your guy and it becomes awkward afterward, but you still manage to work things out and move past it, you're definitely a buddy. But if you give it up and the next day your guy vanishes quicker than a Black man's credit, then face it, you were just booty.

Guys have an idea of what they want from the beginning and it is our job to go after it and retrieve it by any means necessary. So next time you're hanging out with your guy "friend," listen to his words and watch his actions. There may be a hidden agenda on his part. You could either end up best friends or another name to check off his list.


Buddy or booty. What an interesting concept.

Too bad this perception places the men in control of the status of the relationship because it leaves the woman to sit back and try to figure out what his intentions are. Games, games, games.

Raise your hand if you're tired of playing 'Ms. Cleo' with all of the men in your life. I thought so. How about we start a brand new revolution? How about we take back the power in our relationships because ultimately we have what they want?

Some women, including myself, have at one point or another settled for Mr. Not Enough just to have someone paying attention. He's not really that attractive, but he calls everyday.

He isn't exciting or adventurous but he keeps our pockets lined with green. He's not someone you would introduce to your family but anytime the baby needs some diapers, he's got you covered

We sit and we entertain these "friends" because each of them has a quality that we would love to see in our future husbands and they are meeting our needs for right now. We appreciate them all and there is a certain amount of love there, but it's nothing like what we feel for the one who isn't paying us any attention.

Hello, Mr. Golden Boy. Is anyone home? Don't you see that I'm standing right here in front of you? Didn't you notice that I changed my hair, spent so much money on this outfit and always look my best when I am around you? Do you even care?

Why do I sit night after night hoping to see your number on my caller I.D? I'm checking my email frequently thinking maybe you'd drop me a line, but you never do. I don't even know you well, but the fantasy I've created in my mind has us living happily ever after across the county line with our three kids and matching BMWs.

Why am I doing this to myself? By sitting and waiting on him to define our relationship I'm giving him power over me. And, I'm making myself look desperate in the meantime. Why would a woman as smart and vivacious as myself have to sit and hope for some attention from a man? If he can't see what is right before his eyes then obviously he's pretty stupid.

I'm tired of waiting around for a man to decide what he wants to do. Be a man! Make a decision. Or just continue to be selfish and chase multiple women. It doesn't matter to me because I'm not going to continue to play your game any longer.

And it's cool because you have no idea what you're missing out on. It's not even the booty that you should be concerned with; it's all about my intangible assets. I am a team player. I am a loyal friend. I'm strong enough to hold you down, yet soft enough to melt in your arms. The intimacy is just a bonus to what I have to offer. If you can't look past the immediate gratification of today to see the bigger picture then you're obviously someone who has a lot of growing up to do.

I'm not just living for today. I'm living for my future and the future of my children. I want this world to be a better place because I have lived. Whether or not you want to be a part of that is up to you. So go ahead and take your time trying to decide if you want me as a buddy or just some booty. With or without you, I'm going to get mine. ...opportunity comes once in a lifetime...

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