Oh, Whitney

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[Helese TALKS!]

I took so long to jump on the bandwagon and write about one of my
childhood and teenage musical idols.

I just needed time, guys. This one,
like the death of Michael, really felt like a sort of personal loss, and
I was pissed off at how these people are going to be remembered going
out, like some druggie, as if the vulture-like industry didn't have
anything to do with their deaths.

Even now, as I look at Whitney Houston videos, I realize that my favorite songs were the ones that weren't the
ones that I feel everyone went crazy about, at least they weren't the
ones that necessarily made her anymore famous, like "My Love is Your
Love" (if you listen to the words, you will understand the kind of love
that I'm striving for in my life) and "Why Does It Hurt So Bad" (because
damnit! It really fucking does.)

I also see ads for movies played before the video, just like any other
YouTube clip, and I think about how sick it is that so many people will
profit from the loss of this great human being. I believe she was great
just because she was sincere, not because she could sing. She was
"stank" as we call it in my social circle, and that's a compliment: it's
an inner strength combined with a little soul, and a knowing that you
won't take shit off of anybody, at least not for long.

even have had to stop several times while writing this and just sob,
not just shed a few tears, but one of those heaving cries that comes
from your gut. Whitney even said in her song "My Love is Your Love," If I should die this very day, don't cry/cause on Earth we wasn't meant to stay. Wow,
the implications of that lyric are more important now than ever. And
it's strange that, dealing with some things in my own life, everyday
feels like a kind of Judgement Day for me. So I listen to that song over
and over again just feeling like she's talking to me.

recurrent theme over the last few days for me has been "gifts,"
probably because Whitney had such a great one and literally sacrificed
her life to share it with the world. I thank her for that, because I
just wanted to be able to sing a little bit, just an ounce of
how she was able to, and I could tell it came so effortlessly to her.
Anyone who sings, or admires a person because of their talent that they
too possess can probably relate. We want to hone our skill to the point
where we make it look easy. It was scary how good she was though. It
gave me chills.

I think she was simply a vessel for God to work through, and what's
better, she sang about Love. As Generation X and Y, through her music we
learned about what Romantic Love felt like before we had experienced
it, and we knew God had to be the most generous God, because look what
gifted souls he had blessed us with?

not here to idolize this woman, but how do you express such pain about
the loss of someone whom you've never met? How do you do that without
adding to the pressure that is part of what made them break? Is this
just a trick of the media? Why does it hurt so bad?

don't have any answers. I just know that it does hurt. And years after
we lost Michael, I STILL get pissed off at all the drama and controversy
of how he died, I still have Michael music video marathons, and think
about what could have been. But then, selfish as I can be, I'm also
grateful that I even got to experience him through his music, and that
gorgeous smile.

Whitney also had a breathtaking, perfect smile...

Helese Smauldon, Columnist for The Black Star News

Subscribe to my channel: www.youtube.com/helesetalks
Let's be Tweeples! @helesetalks

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